How To Maintain Good Boundaries In Rapport

"It is the business of thought to define things, to find the boundaries; thought, indeed, is a ceaseless process of definition. It is the business of art to give things shape." -Vance Palmer

If you've ever been in one of my classes or read any of my articles, you already know how I feel about rapport: it's absolutely mandatory and its benefits are innumerable. And yet, there is a downside to rapport. I learned this early, and it was a tough lesson.

As a young man I sold encyclopedias from door-to-door. I'd go into a person's house and immediately begin the process of gaining rapport with them. I'd learn about their families, their kids, their jobs, and all of the things that were going on in their lives.

At one point, I was working in a little town in Washington. I had made the hotel reservations, the travel plans, etc. and when I arrived in this town, only then did I realize they were having some difficult financial times. I had to make some sales but had a heck of a time getting appointments. When I did finally get an appointment, I'd sit down with the prospect, gain rapport, talk a while about their needs, and eventually get to the big question: 'Do you see the value in what I've shown you so far?'

'Yeah, oh, yeah, I see the value, these are really great books.'

'Do you see how with our question answering service, that your child can have any question answered that they need help with? This could be helpful on their reports, it could be just helpful in their learning and education overall? In fact, wouldn't you like to use this, too?'

'Sure. I'd love to use them and I know my kids would definitely benefit.'

'Fabulous. Well then, why don't we get you started?'

'I'd love to get these for my family, but the mill just closed. . .' and then he went into his sad story.

I was in such deep rapport with them that after they'd get done telling me their story, I'd buy into it; I'd almost be in tears.

'Of course, I understand. You know, we can always come back at some later time in the future, we'll be able to come in when you do have some money, when you're able to get back to work.'

And, I did this day, after day, after day. Until I realized, all of a sudden, oops, I think this is kind of hurting me, and what I did, one day, is I didn't have as much rapport, or so I thought, didn't have nearly as much, but they liked the materials so well and even though they didn't have the money, they said they were going to go ahead and buy it.

After they'd bought it, they told me their sad story about how the mill had closed, and how they weren't working, but their kids were so important to them that even though they didn't have the money, their kids were most important and they were going to do it, anyway.

This was a revelation to me. They were not going to allow them to suffer because of their financial situation, and they would do whatever it took in order to get their kids the education they needed.

What this story illustrates is that I realized if you jump into rapport with somebody and get in there really deep, you might forget about your outcome. When that happens you become putty in their hands, instead of the other way around. We want the our clients to be putty in our hands.

When creating this rapport, maintain your outcome. Maintain the intention of what it is you're going to do. Set it strong in your heart that no matter what they have to say to you, your outcome is going to be realized.

Intention is what makes these skills so powerful. Your intention is not to make new friends, your intention is to sell.

Think about this before each and every sales interaction: what is your intention?

About the Author

Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to earn the business of wealthy clients using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion techniques.

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